What Is So Great About Celebrating Birthday?

This question was bugging me about last night when I got phone call from my mom. As usual mom asked me how am I doing and then she reminded me about my birthday.

Oh yes, birthday.

Thing that I dont really care year after year.

I realized the more I grow, the more I dont like thing like age. Especially after I've been working and people around me keep asking me about marriage. Its so annoying :(

I remembered when I was a kid the happiest moment in my life was celebrating birthday. My birthday is on June and June is known for holiday after the end of semester. That is why if my progress report was good I got double happiness on my special day. But if it was not, who cares :p, my family were also really nice because it was *once again* my special day. There was no big party. My mom cooked my fave food and there was cake too. Thats all. Simple but meaningful.

As I grew as an university student, I still sometimes got my cake and cooked by mom. But when I was working Im far from hometown. So there was no cake anymore. I celebrated my day just with my siblings or my friends. There was also no party because I dont like surprise or party thing :)

And not so different from years before. Today I just woke up from phone call from my parents. They are always number one who congratulate me year after year :) And then several messages from my friends.

What is so great about celebrating birthday?

This question is still bugging me...

Well.. I just know I still have some people who love me and wishing me on my bithday. Thank you :)

happy birtday, Ernita :)

There is a time

there is a time when sunshine feels not warm as before

there is a time when cloud looks not beautiful as before

there is a time when tears flow so easily

there is a time when love sounds so stupid

there is a time when light is not better than darkness

there is a time when question needs answer immediately

there is a time when unfairly things are so usual

there is a time when hope seems so useless

 

Have Faith in Him

This was exactly someone's words for me today. I wrote yesterday about my disappointment towards someone and honestly I insist to hate that person. Didnt want to forget and forgive.
So I did my daily activities this morning and met someone whom I think again the only person who really lives as God's servant. She is an old woman. She reminds me for my late grandma. Always smiling every time she sees me. That is why I really like to meet her and always try to give my best smile.

I greet her and she asked how I am doing. And I said Im fine. I tried to look okay but she knew something deep in my heart I have problem. I asked how does she know? She said she can see from my eyes.

Truly, eyes can not lie...

She didnt ask what happens but she just said "Have faith in Him"

Faith. This is something that I didnt think when I see that person who broke my heart.

She later said, if I always keep that burdensome in my heart I wont be free. Just ask and trust Him.

I nodded when I heard all her words. I knew she was right.

I have to forgive that person so I can let myself free from this burdensome. Sometimes I thought there is no difference between a fool than a forgiver. But I learn that faith is making the difference from someone who is already broken but rather than making a bigger revenge but decide to forgive and forget. Well this not easy eventually. Need process.

And I need that process. I hope I can do that and let go all this bitter things and set myself free :)




*picture is taken from here

Hurtful Words

I remember someone said "words are sharper than knife"
Kata-kata itu bisa setajam pisau.

Beberapa orang bilang juga aku terlalu serius nanggepin becandaan. Kadang gampang pisan percaya omongan orang. Well.. I trust my best friends. Jadi kadang mereka kalo becandaan aku biasanya melongo percaya trus diketawain karna nanggepin terlalu serius.

Mama juga bilang aku mbok ya berbasa-basi dikit gitu biar gak gampang sebel ma orang yang suka becandaan sama aku yang aku anggap sama sekali gak lucu.

Honestly, Its hard. I can not become someone who is so easily to laugh for every jokes. Mungkin kalo temen akrab aku masih bisa ketawa atau balas becanda. Tapi kalo orangnya gak deket-deket amat tapi tiba-tiba nge jokes yang bikin aku sakit hati nahh itu yang jadi masalah.

Please watch your words!!!

Im not robot :(

Ceritanya lusa kemarin (dan hari-hari sebelumnya) seseorang yang memiliki otoritas lebih tinggi dari aku mengadakan pertemuan. I didnt know why everything I did, she always commented with her cynical words. At first, I *try to*laugh and said to myself 'calm down'.
Tapi makin lama kata-katanya makin menjadi-jadi dan makin mengarah kayak nyari-nyari kesalahan aku.
Okay, you can tell Im just too sensitive. Aku ngaku aku emang orangnya sensi tapi bukan untuk kejadian saat itu.
I knew something was wrong

For some moment, I really really want to cry at the time. But I couldnt. I was looking for my best friend but I realized that she was already resign. World seems so cruel for me that day T.T

I remember that person always told us that she likes to joke and she feels sorry if her words are hurtful for us. She asks us to accept her character *as a humorous person* just the way she is.

But why do I have to accept all her jokes if I dont feel comfortable about it? Why people is so easy to ask others to accept their character but doesnt care about others' feeling whether its nice or hurtful? Dan gampang banget bilang maaf tapi gak mau berubah. Becanda wae trus bikin sakit hati and then just say sorry :(

You might be think it doesnt matter at all because your just-the-way-you-are character and your apologize, but the truth is someone cried and felt so lonely that day.

Anyway, mudah banget bilang 'aku mengasihi sesamaku manusia', kenyataannya 'aku mengasihi sesamaku manusia yang juga mengasihiku'. Because I realise its easier to curse rather than to pray that person. Now everytime I see that person I feel bitter and hatred.

Dan aku tau ini salah. Jauh di lubuk hati yang terdalam aku gak boleh membenci orang ini.

Sayangnya, hingga saat ini aku masih kecewa. Terlalu kecewa...