Hurtful Words

I remember someone said "words are sharper than knife"
Kata-kata itu bisa setajam pisau.

Beberapa orang bilang juga aku terlalu serius nanggepin becandaan. Kadang gampang pisan percaya omongan orang. Well.. I trust my best friends. Jadi kadang mereka kalo becandaan aku biasanya melongo percaya trus diketawain karna nanggepin terlalu serius.

Mama juga bilang aku mbok ya berbasa-basi dikit gitu biar gak gampang sebel ma orang yang suka becandaan sama aku yang aku anggap sama sekali gak lucu.

Honestly, Its hard. I can not become someone who is so easily to laugh for every jokes. Mungkin kalo temen akrab aku masih bisa ketawa atau balas becanda. Tapi kalo orangnya gak deket-deket amat tapi tiba-tiba nge jokes yang bikin aku sakit hati nahh itu yang jadi masalah.

Please watch your words!!!

Im not robot :(

Ceritanya lusa kemarin (dan hari-hari sebelumnya) seseorang yang memiliki otoritas lebih tinggi dari aku mengadakan pertemuan. I didnt know why everything I did, she always commented with her cynical words. At first, I *try to*laugh and said to myself 'calm down'.
Tapi makin lama kata-katanya makin menjadi-jadi dan makin mengarah kayak nyari-nyari kesalahan aku.
Okay, you can tell Im just too sensitive. Aku ngaku aku emang orangnya sensi tapi bukan untuk kejadian saat itu.
I knew something was wrong

For some moment, I really really want to cry at the time. But I couldnt. I was looking for my best friend but I realized that she was already resign. World seems so cruel for me that day T.T

I remember that person always told us that she likes to joke and she feels sorry if her words are hurtful for us. She asks us to accept her character *as a humorous person* just the way she is.

But why do I have to accept all her jokes if I dont feel comfortable about it? Why people is so easy to ask others to accept their character but doesnt care about others' feeling whether its nice or hurtful? Dan gampang banget bilang maaf tapi gak mau berubah. Becanda wae trus bikin sakit hati and then just say sorry :(

You might be think it doesnt matter at all because your just-the-way-you-are character and your apologize, but the truth is someone cried and felt so lonely that day.

Anyway, mudah banget bilang 'aku mengasihi sesamaku manusia', kenyataannya 'aku mengasihi sesamaku manusia yang juga mengasihiku'. Because I realise its easier to curse rather than to pray that person. Now everytime I see that person I feel bitter and hatred.

Dan aku tau ini salah. Jauh di lubuk hati yang terdalam aku gak boleh membenci orang ini.

Sayangnya, hingga saat ini aku masih kecewa. Terlalu kecewa...