That End

So.. its already 22.12.12 and Im still alive :)
All the predictions about doomsday in 20.12.2012 or 21.12.2012 were not true at all ;p

Actually I didnt really remember about that date because I was too busy to prepare my progress report this week. So when I heard about some 'preparations' for the doomsday on the news, I only talk to myself whether tomorrow will be the end of world I will meet my students' parents and this report should be finished on time.. hehe :)
Thank God, yesterday as I wished, meeting with the parents went well and some of them brought my students and gave me a hug before they go home. Ahhh.. I will not see them for 2 weeks..sob..sob.. I miss my little babies already ;(

Anyway, as this doomsday talks spread around *some of them really make me ROFL :D*, I realize so many people are so scared about death. That's why some of them make high-tech, unique, extraordinary preparations and protections. I guess its okay to protect ourself from anything harm and we should live our life till the end.
But what if 'that end' is coming?

I dont know when and have no intention to know about predictions at all. I only believe. Its someday and must be happened. Like a thief :)

As for now, as for this day, for this hour, this minute and this second, Im still alive and Im so grateful. Life might be not always pretty and easy but life is not end yet and I should live it to the fullest :D

Hello December

Yihaaa.. December is coming!!!

Lots of things will gonna happen this month :)

Some of them are here :)

1. Student Progress Report for First Semester
How could time was so fast??? It seems yesterday I entered my new class, planned for what should we give to our students and realized how tiring it was for having 21 students. And how worried I was how to teach my students how to write their own name.
Those times really surprise me, and now I see the differences. Though my job desks would be more than before, actually I cant wait to write my report about them :)

2. Going Home *finally!!!*
It seems my promise to myself that I will not going home after 5 years away from home will be broken. Well.. 3 years is enough to make me miss my home and my family so much. When I have chance to gather with my fam, why should I choose to be alone this year???

3. Christmas
Remembering how lucky I am to be chosen as someone who celebrates Christmas. Its the time to be hopeful. For everything...

Looking forward for everything on this December :D



** Image from here , and here and here

So..you've been dumped, huh?

That's exactly what I am feeling right now. But first of all, Im not dumped by my *future:p* boyfriend. Nope :p
He's still out there looking for me *wink*

I feel so sad because of my friends.

I have two close friends.

Last friday, one of my friend, asked me to go out on Saturday to visit a bazaar in my city. Actually she was asking me at that bazaar and she wanted to go again because on that day we couldnt see every stand. I said I couldnt go in the morning because I had to go somewhere. But she said not in the morning but maybe in the afternoon, she'll text me for the right time . So I said okay.
While my other friend has agreed to go too. So, three of us might be there again.

But, on saturday I didnt even get any text. As I wait and wait and even cancel my planning so that I can go with her.
But.. no text nor call...

So I thought our planning has canceled.

And next monday, after we finished our duty, I heard both of them talked about their times on that bazaar. I thought they told about ours on friday, but I was wrong. They went on saturday without even telling me. How cruel...

I know, they know me that Im not a kind of person who likes to go to the crowded place especially shopping. For me its tiring and boring. I love to go to the quite place and if I want to buy something I usually know the place well and what should I buy, so I dont have to do some kind of window shopping. And maybe Im not really suitable to hang out with them for this matter.

What makes me so sad is, she asked and I said yes. When I said yes, even I truly hate it, I'll take my responsibility. She even said she would text me. So, why they didnt even text me just to make me not to wait.

I remember, several days ago me and one of my friend wanted to lunch and that friend asked me to text my other friend whether she wanted to eat with us. She thought about HER!!!! But why they didnt even thought about ME???
And some sad moments are running inside my head lately...

I feel so useless. Do they thought me as their friend so far? Are they really my close friends? Or maybe this is just my own feeling to think they are my true friends while they dont?

Back to that day. As my friend talked about their fun times I suddenly quite. It was really hard to hide my feeling. Being betrayed and dumped :(
That friend seemed to know I was not in the good mood to hear that story and try to cheer me up with MORE hurting words.
that friend : It was really fun there especially if you were there
me             : *light smile*
that friend : But Im sure that place is not suit to you. Because you are a typical scientist person
me             : *light smile and stabbed*

I know she didnt mean to hurt me but she did it.

My friends, its not because that...
Because I thought you guys were my friends, and even I dont like some things that you guys like, I'll try to be with you guys. And when you ask me to come, I'll try to come...
Thats supposed to be friends are for, right?

After Untitled

Okehhh.. enough for the time when I was down. It was truly the time when I really wanted to blow up my mind and screamed so hard. I even tweeted that I want to be vanished. uh oh..  am I okay now?
Well.. not perfectly fine but Im better. I still believe after a heavy rain there's still sun shines ahead.

It happened this afternoon. Rain poured down so hard and after that the sun appeared a little.
Its like a hope in the hopeless moment.

There are still so many stuff stuck inside my head right now and its so worrisome but...
there is still hope..

hope...
pengharapan...

Untitled

there are some of the times when I can not even remember about me
this lonely feeling with no sunshine and sparkling stars
barely to breath
too scared to close my eyes but more afraid just to remember if I should open them tomorrow and find things would be the same...

call me weak
when I can not even try to get up
call me loser
when I refuse to face it

this time...
I cant recognize me
All I can see
this person is just staring blankly at the mirror
...

a, s...Im Crazy About You

They are not the initials to someone that Im crazy about ;P

Its really letter a and s.

Different from when I was teaching in the playgroup, which mostly playing and trying to improve their soft-motoric skills, emotion and independent. This time in kindergarten I start to teach them to write numbers and characters. At first they traced them and slowly I asked them to copy them. Im so glad that most of my students were able to do that. But some of them, well.. they didnt.. yet!

I have one student. She was my former student in the playgroup before and now she is also my student in the kindergarten, so I almost know her more than one year. When she was in the playgroup, she was  so moody and lazy to do the tasks especially soft-motoric skill activities (coloring, tracing, painting). She was hard to remember the symbol of numbers (1-10 using flashcard) and often confused about colors.

But after several months in the kindergarten, I can see how she can improve better than before. She does her task nicely now, able to know and WRITE the numbers even I give randomly and know the colors well. But now, when we try to write, she has hard time for some letters. Especially, a and s!

Today, I almost blew my head when I taught her those 2 letters.. :D

When she wrote an a, she would make a circle and make a little backward tail. And her s was definitely like number 2. I guess because she had hard time to write number 2 before and when she did it  successfully, she really couldnt forget how to write number 2 right now even it was the letter s.

My patience has been tested again today :) I sat next to her, sometimes held her hand and even drew a snake and explained the s was like a snake and showed her where was the head and where was the tail :P

Good thing was, she slowly understood. Sometimes she forgot and tested me again and again. But so far, today was better :)

I believe nothing would be in vain, anyway... :)

Yesterday, I taught her to write letter m. She always wrote m with a gap. I said m was like having 3 feet but she wrote it with 4 feet. But, with our practice, she could write her m almost perfect now. Im so proud of her :)

Im wondering how my parents and my teachers taught me to write long long time ago :P

Deep Deep Sigh

Have you ever did something together with a person who's totally different from you? I have ("~")

Well.. right now Im in the situation where I should take a really deep sigh about our differences. Actually Im not a freak neat person, but I truly hate to see something mess. My hands are itchy to tidy up anything that can look so mess on my eyes.
I once heard that to keep your memory good, the simple you can do is returning things to the place where you took it before.
And when I see, some things that should not be on my table, I will take it back to the original place even Im not the one who take those things. At first I didnt say anything even to myself. Just make it as tidy as I could do.

But lately, Im angry to myself because how can there is a person who can not even see the way I did and the next day and the next day still didnt even realize she needs to tidy up by herself.

When  I thought about this, I wanted to tell directly but I dont know I'd prefer to shut my mouth right now.

Just take a deep deep sigh...

Why does its so hard to tell something honestly that its supposed to be good for other people???

Ferdinand The Bull

Two days ago I got a chance to join training for english teacher. The topic was about "Story Telling". Although Im not an english teacher, this is suitable for me as my students love to listen to a story.

I like to listen to a story but I dont like to tell story in front of so many audiences. Well.. with my students its kinda different and it doesnt matter to me, but to the audiences where they were all english teacher and even I was the youngest there, it really made me nervous.

When the last day of our training, we've been asked to tell a story and practice the technique that speaker did. The night before that, I was really really confused what story I should tell. In my head was only the Bible story or Disney's fairytale. So, I searched on internet, but I didnt get any clue.

But suddenly, one story was running inside my head. It was 'Ferdinand The Bull'

I knew this story when I watched 'The Blind Side' played by Sandra Bullock. Its my fave movie since then and also the story of Ferdinand :)

So, I decided to tell about Ferdinand that day. Dont ask me how did I look that day..hehe.. I was not a good story teller I guess but I realised how I love the story. Sometimes, Im wondering Ferdinand is like me..haha.. No.. no.. not because Im like a bull, I just thought his life is kinda like me ;p

Well.. anyway I want to tell you a lil' bit about Ferdinand. Oh.. by the way Ferdinand was written by Munro Leaf.

Once upon a time in Spain, there was a little bull named Ferdinand. All the other bulls he lived with would jump and run and also butt their heads. But not Ferdinand. He liked to sit just quietly and smell the flower. He had fave spot out under a cork tree. He would sit in its shade and smell the flowers.

Sometimes his mother would worry about him and thought he would be lonesome all by himself.
"Why dont you run and play with the other little bulls and skip and butt your head", said the mother.
But Ferdinand would shake his head and said "I like it better here where I can sit quietly and smell the flowers"
His mother saw that he was not lonesome and because she was an understanding mother, she let him there and be happy.

As the years went by, Ferdinand grew until he was very big and strong just like his friends. All his friends would fight each other because they wanted to be picked to fight at the bull fight in Madrid. But not Ferdinand, he still liked to sit just quietly under the cork tree and smell the flowers.
One day, five men came and wanted to pick the biggest, tallest and strongest bull to fight in bull fight. All the other bulls were running, snorting and butting their heads to show off to them. But not Ferdinand, he knew that they wouldn't pick him and He didnt care. He went out to his cork tree to sit down. He didnt look where he was sitting, instead of sitting on the grass, he sat on a bumble bee.
So, Ferdinand was sting by the bee and it was really hurt. So he was running, jumping and snorting.
The five men saw him and they thought he was showing off his power.
So, they picked him.

And the day of fight finally came. They had parade into the bull ring before the game was started. Flags were flying, bands were playing and all the lovely ladies had flowers in their hairs. There was also the matador, the proudest of all. He had a red cape and a sword to stick the bull. Then came the bull. It was FERDINAND.
They called him Ferdinand the Fierce.

So, Ferdinand ran to the middle ring and everyone was shouted and clapped because they thought he would going to fight fiercely and butt and stick his horns around.
But not Ferdinand. When he got to middle of ring, he saw the flowers in the lovely ladies hair and just sat down quietly and smelled the flowers.
He wouldnt fight and be fierce no matter what they did. The matador was mad and cried because he couldnt show off with his cape and sword.
So they had to take Ferdinand home.

And for all I know, he is sitting there still, under his fave cork tree, smelling the flower just quietly.
He is very happy...

Love this story.. :)
Dont be afraid to do something different from others. As long as it is right and makes you happy, why not?

When We Were So Young

How can I forget that days...

We were so young :)

Full of laughter, full of dreams
An absent teacher was our happiness
A cup of soup noodle was the best tasty food for our hunger
Working together for our homework was our unity
Hearing latest gossip was truly exciting
And dont forget our enemy from another class

still.. we were so young

There was so many times that I really want to look at our future
What would we be?

And now, I already got some of the answers

A closer friend is not always become as closer as it used to be
Unexpected classmate became an ex and now happily has girlfriend
The youngest in the gang became the first mom
A dream city came true
Unexpected job has brought new life
And the boy next door recently has new status on his sos-net

Its so funny if I could back to that days
Wondering all these answers

Im wondering what would we be for 10 years later...?

Pictures That I Want To Take If I Had a BF!!!

I dont know... maybe its because its the beginning of rainy season *Im gloomy everytime when its raining* or maybe recently I saw my friend's pictures on her facebook with her husband and her daughter *wink :P*
I suddenly want a couple pictures too!!! Hahaha :D

I laugh out loud to myself for this feeling. I mean, its so surprising when I usually hate to see lovey dovey pictures on my timeline. Oh pleaseeee..just keep those pics on your own. Why you should show everyone all of your love life. No need to see that thank you "~"..

But my friend's picture makes me think. Oh so sweet.. they're actually been in love just by seeing in their eyes *^_^*

And my imagination with Mr. Who is starting...

So, here are the pictures that I want to take if I had a bf ;P

Holding hands with the beach as the background. And I would love to see that in black and white. Dont ask me why please. I just love it.. :) You can find the image here

And how about this?

This is one of my fave too... I would love to take pic with our shoes. And sneaker must be my fave ;p. See the image here

Im a korean movie/drama lover. And I admit it, they are really good in making promotional poster. Here is one of my fave

Library is also my fave background. And this couple perfectly fit in my imagination :P

And maybe when we fight and keep a distance for each other. Im sure this pic is suitable for us. No matter how mess our akai ito, we still connected. Hahaha :D

And even in the silence, with him... everything would be perfect :)

And finally.. facing the camera and made a lovey dovey pose ..hahaha :D

Many thanks for these dramas and movies which can make me daydreaming so far.
As I searched the nearly image for my imagination, I thought I shouldn't post this feeling in this blog. Kinda stupid and weird. But, well.. that's just part of me :p
Im just sorry for you for jumping into my nonsense right now.. really.. this is just my imagination after all...
I have lots of couple pictures in my head right now but I guess these pictures have shown what I want. So, when will it happens anyway? Lets see then. Im still single right now and have no couple pictures yet. It doesnt matter really. From now lets just leave those pics on the corner of my wish.
As an author told in her book said, 'to be and then to get'
Lets prepare.. prepare.. and maybe someone worth waiting would be came :)

By the way you can see these korean drama/movie pictures here

Spontaneous Request

Well.. I truly understand now for someone said "be careful for what you wish"
because it happens to me this afternoon.
About several weeks ago, I heard my friend has to do something that I never do before. But that friend looked so annoying because she didnt want to. When she said that, I talked to myself "why not?". Its a good chance and must be good for having new experience later. And then I requested to Someone.
"God.. I want that chance too. I want to try how does it feel"

That's all I can remember...

I forget that spontaneous request as I've been so busy with my work. What I want to do right now is finishing my task and enjoy my weekend to the fullest!!!

But yeah you cant imagine anything will happen soon. In the middle of my hectic job, I heard news that I GOT that chance FINALLY. I was stumbled for a little while. How soon is that? How come God really heard that request? I thought it was just unimportant request and for being honest maybe I was just having a little jealousy that day.

When I think about that day again, I thought I was became disgraceful and having lots of things to ask for Him. That's why I guess He wouldn't listen to that request. But, now I see again how wrong I am.

And because of my tiring job recently, I try to avoid it and looking for a chance to cancel it. See... how disgraceful I am :(
But I have no way.
I should take that chance

On my way back home I asked again "Why now?"
And I know the answer, "well..why not?"
hehehe... yeah why not. This is what I want before and why I have to turn back now. At least I still have off-duty in this weekend. Next week, Im sure I'll grab my chance and taste it happily and gracefully :)

Patience

When I woke this up morning, I prayed to God for giving me patience. I knew its monday, and usually after weekend holiday has ended Im quite moody *sigh*.
And then, I did my work and met my students happily. They are soooo cute and lovable :)

I understand they are still in their golden age and their behavior right now is sometimes sooo annoying. Really love to talk when they should listen, suddenly in silent mode when its time to answer, picky on foods, fighting with each other and trying anything dangerous things like doing wrestling *they thought its funny and entertaining but I truly hate it >.<*

Anyway, on 9 am, we were heading to the second floor. They will join jolly phonics class *its a method to teach kids about english by the sound of letter. Pretty good :)*. We use stairs and I always tell them to be careful by walking one by one and DO NOT EVER push or pull your friend in there. After I reached the second floor, ready to wait them in front of the room, I saw one of my student pushed his friend. Thank God, he's okay. I suddenly lost my temper and asked him angrily why he pushed his friend. He didnt say anything because he's too scared with me *Im so scared when I get angry :P*.

After my long words, I asked him to asked apologize to his friend and made him promise to be not behaved like that anymore.

Im so afraid with accidents which might be happened to them . I really love my students and I dont want them to be hurt. That's why I was really angry when they did something harmful like that. Maybe they dont really understand why their teacher became so awful with that. They thought it was just a joke and honestly I believe they didnt have any intentions to hurt their friends. They are just kids after all.

But I guess thats my job. To protect them even I lost my gentle sounds sometimes...

When I act like that, I realized how God teach me so. There are so many times He gets angry with my inappropriate act. Doesnt mean He hates me and want me to be hurt, but He truly loves me and trying to teach me.

Well.. God, Im wondering how good You are to be A Teacher with lots of students in this world. I have 21 students and my head is so dizzy sometimes when I have to face their different characters. No wonder, You are A God :D

Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the other day, let me be a teacher like the way You teach me :)

Happy Birthday, Daddy :)

Today is my daddy’s birthday. He’s 55th :)

Let me tell you something about my dad...

My daddy is not a romantic daddy

He can not say I love you straight forwardly

He doesnt hug me often

But he does everything he can to show how much he loves me

I remember when I was kid he always wait for me when I was sick. I will grab his sweater to make sure he wouldnt go anywhere even when I was sleeping

My daddy is not a wealthy man

He doesnt like bling bling nor luxury stuff

He’s so simple and got nothing to worry about trends

The way he manages all my fees is still mysterious for me

When I said I want to learn english, he said okay

I said I want to join computer courses, he also said okay

I want to buy this magazine, he was not always okay but he often gave me

He even gave his time to go to the post office just to post all my letters to all my penpals when I was in the middle school. With lots of letter, Im sure he spent lots of money for that.

My daddy is set me freely

When Im become more mature and ready to spread my wings

Daddy sent me faraway from home

I look at this as an ordinary way for any family, but when I saw around

Not every daddy gives permission to let his daughter away

And Im thankful for that

Even he cried at the moment *tears is definitely not his style*, he let me go and believe in me

My daddy is not perfect at all

There are so many imperfect things on him that I dont like

But I thank God, Im not perfect either

I must be had so many imperfect things on me that he doesnt like

But he’s okay with that

Nothing can change the love of a father

Im here

You and mom there

Sisters and brothers are also there

But we’re always one
A family 
A place where I called home :)


take image here 

Letter To You

Dear you...

Well..I dont know your name yet, thats why I’ll call you with ‘you’ right now.

Im thinking about you lately. Figuring out where are you, what do you do, how do you look like, what is your hobby, what kind of music do you like, do you like spicy or sweet dishes and so many silly questions.

But the most bugging thought in my head is whether you think about me...

All people around me seems so easy to be loved and keep blushing, but why do I look like a weirdo? Doesnt even have any intention for falling. Living alone on my own.

So weird, cause I knew the feeling before. Back then in the past I remember how sweet it was, how painful it was and how strange it was. How come someone became something?

And when I count my days, its really been awhile I have no feeling for that. Kinda miss it :p

Maybe because of that, I think about you...

Wondering if its really you...

the one whom I write this letter for and you know for sure its really for you

an imperfect person cause you know what.. Im not perfect at all

you’ll see how terrible I am but I believe you’ll still there

and even in the silence.. with you.. everything feels so perfect

someone that can live without me but choose to live with me...

Its you...

I dont know exactly when we will be meet. I often doubt it honestly... :(

But like my friends told, lets live with hope. And I learn you are one of my hope...

Goodbye for now, Oppung...

I heard the news this morning... Oppung has passed away...

I woke up this morning at 6 am because my mom called me. As I get sick lately, she always calls me everyday. At first she asked about my health, I said its gettting better. Fyi, yesterday I went to the hospital and took the urine test and the result was good. Its so relieved. And then mom told me they are in the hospital because last night my grandma suddenly felt sick on her chest. Mom asked to pray for my grandma’s health. After that, I prayed for her. I believe God will make her better.

And then mom called me again. It was 8 am. I got bad feeling about this. Mom asked me whether me and my sister *who accompany me here while Im sick* has waken up already and told me...grandma has gone... forever...

And then we’re crying...

My grandma or I called her, oppung *bataknese*, was the longest and healthier elder I’ve ever known in my family. Even her husband, my grandpa, has gone since I was in the middle school. Oppung was really like to work. Even she was supposed to be relax at home, she always wanted to work.  We have a tiny coffee plantation 30 minutes by car from our home. Usually we go there afternoon or in the weekend and if my dad told us “lets go there”, we sometimes felt lazy *young generation..ckckck..* but oppung would had so many spirit and looked so happy. While I thought the sun was very hot and it would be better enjoying weekend at home lazing around. I once asked her why she’s so happy when we have to be tired? Isnt tired is annoying?

And then oppung told me it makes her healthier. Her body is moving and it feels good and healthy makes her happy. She felt her body is in bad condition everytime she’s doing nothing.

Oppung came from a small village in the mountain and its really far from modern city. I think until now that village doesnt have electricity yet. Sad to hear that, I mean with all the glamour stuff in this country, there are some people who doesnt even taste how good to see the light in our home.

But  I think for oppung it doesnt matter. They would prefer to work outside with nature. And they are really good at work. Strong and tough. I guess this is the reason why oppung didnt even like to watch TV for quite long time. She would go to bed and said TV made her sleepy. While TV made me awaken *geez..young generation..ckckck*

Oppung that I know also was the honest person. Sometimes she was too honest I guess and it sounded like she insulted someone with her words. One day, she told about someone that definitely tanned and she said its ugly. We bursted out and rolling on the floor laughing. Oppung looked so innocent when she told her story and that made us laughing out loud.

Last time I met her was last year when she already took LASIK operation on her eyes. She had catarac once and then she told me how clear she looked me that day. She even told me I was look so cubby..hehe.. When we watched TV together, my eyes didnt see properly the TV so I need my glasses while she didnt use anything anymore and I congratulate her for that. She also asked whether I had boyfriend at the time and laughed a lot and said I love money than boys. She sighed for me and said she really want to wear her good dress for my wedding and afraid that she couldnt make it if I take a long time to get married. But I only laughed and made her sure she must be wear it one day and see me married. She’s totally fine. Her eyes even better than mine...

And around last month, me and my elder sister took our tickets together to go back to our hometown this Christmas. Lots of plans has been made especially in my mind. One of them, is taking a family picture. Last time we took it when I was in the high school. I even captured it in my mind how’s our position. Oppung, dad, mom and five of us... Together :)

And it looks not gonna make it

Oppung has gone now... She left so many memories.. advices.. stories...

I remember how long you took time to talk to Our God everytime you prayed and now you finally meet Him.

I asked Him to make you better and I know the better is going back to your real home. Our REAL home...

Goodbye for now , oppung...

Pajumpang disi ma hita...

Until we meet again ;)

beloved oppung...