Something About Me

Sometimes I thought it must be easier if I were not me
So often I thought I must be happier if I were not here
All I can see is the gray sky, no hopes and no glory
Thinking that why life is so hard time after time

I decide to run and try to forget so many things...

I often heard people talked about their life as a river
and they said just let it flow
Some words told me, do your best and let God do the rest

But I know, everytime I run
everytime I hide
Its getting worst

I have to face it...

but I cant keep on running
no I just cant keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to beat it is by fighting my every fear
I'm not going to make it 'til i turn around and face it alone, I know
I can't just keep running, no I just can't keep on running away
so it stops today... *It Stops Today - Colbie Caillat

So many times I learn that every person has their own cross in their life. Not just me, not just you or not just someone that I thought should be me. In other words, if I were someone else I still have this feeling because Im not grateful at all just being me :(

It will never be easy to be someone if Im not thankful to be me 
I will never be happy in everywhere if Im not thankful in my place where Im standing right now
I can not just follow the river without knowing where is the end and the purpose cause sometimes I have to against the flow
And by the way, I can not do anything...
What's best I thought its just nothing other than the grace of the Lord. He really does...

This is me...
Sometimes Im become a positively person and thinking that Im truly blessed
Everything looks so bright and beautiful
But the other times Im so frustrated and didn't find anything good
Even sun shines so bright but I still can not feel it on my face
I just thought the darkness...

And after awhile, I find myself again. Better than before. And the next day I feel blue again.
That's always happening.
I hate myself for this sometimes. Why I dont have the same feeling? No need to change the way I think about myself again and again.
But I realize that's life...
Life is like a school where I can learn and get good or bad grades everytime...